DOWN DAY!

Well it’s been such a long time since my last blog, life has carried on in it’s never ending monotonous ramble through time punctuated by short bursts of excitement before returning to it’s winding path of boredom and depression.  Feeling really down today as most days lately, try hard to cheer up but it doesn’t last long……………. Is it my age? Is it my life? Am I ill? Who the fuck knows? more to the point who the fuck cares? I know I don’t! One minute cheerful the next filling up with tears! All kept secret, I’m a man! men don’t act like this, we’re strong……………. BOLLOCKS!  This man is a confused, self destroying, soft centred, helpless human being who knows what needs to be done but hasn’t got the sense to do it!

Depression or the pressures of life?

Don’t know why but for some reason I’m feeling a bit depressed today, feel like nothing in my life is going the way it should be, I know it is but I just can’t shake that feeling it’s not. I hate it when I feel like this, it seems to be happening more often this last few years, is it just something that happens with age? is it a deep seated regret that I didn’t take advantage of the opportunities that came my way? the pressures of life? or is something wrong? with me! It’s at times like this I miss my Aiwa Hi-Fi System, after a blast of MY music(120watts RMS per channel), so loud that the whole house used to rattle and a good sing along at the top of my ‘out-of-tune’ voice (the music was so loud you couldn’t hear me) I’d feel ab-fab! That’s probably the main reason for my tinnitus now! I’m happy being one of the millions of nobodies, just a family man trying to make it day-to-day with that wish in the back of my head to win it big on the lottery and change the whole family’s lives. I wouldn’t normally publish this much-written-never-posted-blog, for fear people may think I’m losing it? maybe! Nothing is wrong with me! is it? probably! I suppose I’d better make an appointment to see someone, for a chat? for help? for medication? The fear of showing emotions overcomes the fear of having issues! GOD! reading through this I need help but can I find the courage to get it?